Saturday, October 25, 2008

Ordained to Lose It

In the early months of the twins being home, in the wee hours of the night, I completely lost it.
The grueling schedule of nursing AND formula supplementing two babies—every three hours—plus the diaper changes, burping, and more diaper changes gave me about four separate ONE HOUR increments of sleep. Per day. For months. On end.
(Remember those old Dunkin’ Donut commercials from the eighties? “Time to make the donuts…I made the donuts. Time to make the donuts...” That was me. But instead the catch phrase was, “Time to feed the babies…I fed the babies.”)
There is sound reason why militaries around the world use sleep deprivation techniques to torture captives. Because it is most definitely torture. And their captives typically aren’t even hormonal and lactating.
So at about 2 a.m. on the night in question, I fed, burped and diapered the babies (again), but they wanted nothing to do with sleep. After forever and a day of rocking them, they finally drifted off. However—as if an instinctual alarm would sound in her little brain—as soon as I took off my glasses and pulled the blanket up to my chin, Abby’s eyes burst open, followed by completely uncalled for screaming. This of course, woke her sister, Reagan. This was the umpteenth night of this most unflattering behavior from my precious bundles of joy. At this point in my mothering career, it had been about 10 weeks since I had experienced REM sleep. I L-O-S-T IT.
It started as a slow whimper, and then crescendoed into stucco rumbling wails. My poor husband—who had just become accustomed to sleeping through the nightly ruckus—scrambled into the room as if the smoke detectors were blaring. I think I shed a few years, or at least days, off his life that night. He was relieved that we were not physically hurt, and a tad perturbed with me for not getting him before I had a mini nervous breakdown; as if I planned it...geez.
On that night, as well as a few (okay…several) other instances in the following weeks, I believe that God caused me to LOSE IT, sending out an SOS when I was too proud to ask for help for myself. As the time I blamed it on everything from the hormones to the culture shock of my world turned upside down. Now, I can see God’s hands, rocking me as I rocked my babies. I had absolutely no idea why they were crying, but my Heavenly Father understood why I was; and He sent help.Thank you Jesus—for knowing what I need, at the precise moment I need it.
Thanks for repeatedly saving my sinking little ship.


  1. When my son's wife had their twins,they were living with us at the time. So she had lots of help and lots of rest that first couple weeks. And I must son is an awesome husband and daddy...he amazed me. I know how hard those first few weeks were.

  2. It's amazing to look back on crazy times like that, when you felt so helpless, and to see God's hand so powerfully. Thank you for sharing. I KNOW this can minister to many.

  3. I can so relate...and I only had my babies one at a time! It's a nice new perspective, seeing God's hand even in my awfulness of those days.

    I am so glad that you posted that picture of the babies and a hand nearby...I had no idea they were so TINY! And yet so beautiful and so perfect. Just amazing!

  4. First of all, I'm SO glad I found you on Joanne's blogroll!!! Now I can follow you too (since this is where I spend most of my computer time)!

    Chely, you are precious! Thank you for sharing this amazing story/testimony/post. I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been with twins - my Reagan was hard enough. What a beautiful picture you've painted though, of your Father holding and rocking you, while you held and rocked them. Blessings, my friend!

  5. Hi Michele,

    I had to leave a comment. I got the invitation to follow your blog on FB and came to investigate further when I found it was about twins. I am a 50-year-old grandma who just spent the weekend having her four-year-old twin grandsons come for a visit. Hubby and I were utterly exhausted when we handed them back to Mom on Sunday evening! I had mine as singles, and that was hard enough! We had a blast, and we were more than ready to let them go home! LOL! You can see some pictures of them on FB:!/photos.php?id=728073316

    Hugs to you,

    PS - They really are twice the work, but twice the blessing!