Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Jesus Spam

I get oodles of spam. The sicko cyber monkeys are convinced that I have “manhood” issues, and I am in great need of a couple thousand replica Rolexes.


But the most disturbing spam I get deceives the all the fancy spam filters…

Jesus Spam.

Oh yes…you know what I’m talking about.

Here’s a sweet/sad/sappy/pseudo inspirational story you’ve see a frillion times, adorned with lots of tacky Jesus/angel glittering clipart. With a catch…if you TRULY believe, you will forward this to ten people.

If you truly love me—the one who has bestowed you with this cyber-prayer—you will forward this to fifteen people PLUS me to prove your love.

If you don’t want Jesus to deny you, don’t deny him by deleting this and not forwarding it to your entire address book.

Oh, and my absolute favorite:

If you forward this to 5 people, you will receive a blessing within 5 days. If you send it to twenty, the blessings will come tenfold in 1 day. If you forward it to more than one hundred, Michael the Archangel will give you a pedicure….


I don’t care if your email promises to jinx me for 13 years and have my hair pulled out strand by strand by Hitler’s ghost if I delete it…

If you send me that nonsense I shall delete it before the cyber monkeys know what hit them.

Yes, that means you, too. You know who you are.


  1. A Gigantor Texas-sized AMENNNNN!!!!

    An honest post, and my thoughts out loud and personal!

  2. YES!!! HATE those! (LOL and Michael giving me a pedicure? TOO funny!)

  3. Oh, I am SO with you! I delete most of those things without even reading them. The ones I do read, I almost never forward (and I NEVER forward apocryphal miracle stories, sappy stuff, etc)...and the little hokey promises of blessing or threats of cursing make me so mad that I hit the delete key even if I didn't mind the content of the email itself.

    I'm glad you're speaking out about it!